How your first memory effects you

Ever since I was young I never felt like I fit in, I always felt different and I didn’t know why. Afters years of growth, challenges, fall outs and experiences I have come to realise that the true authentic me is all I need to be, even if I feel different to those around me at times but that’s a topic for another day.

The truth is we often tell ourselves a story and begin to identify with said story. One of mine clearly was/is “I don’t fit in” and as I did some healing work I discovered that one of my earliest memories was potentially a trigger for this and it will be for most of us.

Rewind to 1994, my first day at school, I head to the cloakroom with my mum and there are crowds of children saying goodbye to their parents as the teacher greets everyone. My mum asked if I could leave my bicycle helmet on the shelf where everyone else had left their pack lunches but we were told no. I instantly felt different as I saw the cute lunchboxes sat above each peg whilst I was going to be having free school dinners, I had biked to school unlike the other children who were driven and to my embarrassment I had a blue aeroplane sticker above my name on my coat peg because I had a “boy’s” name. I was shy so just looked at it with disappointment. This was the the first memory of mine which I recall and our first memory is often how we see ourselves which makes so much sense. It made me realise that during that year of my life I must’ve deeply felt so unlike my school friends because I also remember drawing a picture of my family. The picture was of myself, my mum, dad and sister…thing is I didn’t have a dad who was in the picture of my real life or a sister who existed. However, I find it funny now as feel I manifested those things with my beautiful sister, Eden, who came along when I was 11 and a great step-dad.

What is your earliest memory? Does it give you some insight into why you feel a certain way?

If you cannot identify your earliest memory try doing so whilst meditating. This is what I did and I think it’s the best way to immerse yourself back to that time. Once you see your younger self ask her or him what they need, how they feel and what you can do for them. You may like to tell your younger self some words of encouragement or give them a hug, whatever it may be to make that you feel safe, seen and heard.

Once you acknowledge this memory you may discover a lot about yourself which may lead you to realise you are more than just this memory. This memory may have been defining you for so many years but now you’ve got a grasp on it you may well be able to know that is just a part of you not entirely who you are.

This is a great way to do some shadow work. We are a combination of darkness and light and a lot of the time in the world of personal development and spirituality we are bombarded with positivity which is great but the real healing comes from acknowledging the shadow. When you understand you can intertwine the two is when you feel a lot more free and can truly heal.

I hope you found this helpful. If you have any questions please leave a comment and I will get back to you!

Bones, Stars & Unity

Your Soul Sistar, Jordan